He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
