i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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