I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
