I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
being pregnant is like rehab
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
