Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
