I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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