the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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