Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
