you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
