It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
