I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
