i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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