I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
