Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
