remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
