i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Less talking, more tequila
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
