google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
high people should be assigned attendants
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
