woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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