My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
