I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
