i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
