Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
