so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
