i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
