I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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