I bet he comes in French.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
