Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
