On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
