I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
