summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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