I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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