Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
