omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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