Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
