how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
