Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
