She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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