That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
