she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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