I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
