And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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