His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
