I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
