I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
