i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
