you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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