Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
BRING THE BAGELS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
