I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They took my balls.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
