I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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