I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
