Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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