its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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