walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
