Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
