My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
