I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
