You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I believe in your delicious
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
