And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
