Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
