guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
