What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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