I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
