if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Boobs speak an international language.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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