I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
