Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
