Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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