Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize