All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize