It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
