Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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