So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
