just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
