I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
